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Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in Let's Do Life Together's LiveJournal:

Monday, March 15th, 2010
10:13 pm
less than 'perfect' - NO MATTER WHAT!
i just got done with a really realy great workout. lots of sweat, muscles burning, cardio, weights, plank, stretching... it was a.w.e.s.o.m.e!!!

and i got done at 9:15 p.m.

when i've lost weight before, tried to get healthy before, i always put parameters on when i *had* to exercise, when was the best time, the best level, how, where, when, why etc. etc. etc. ...

and that went down the toilet tonight!!! YEAH!!!

i felt so good working out tonight - because i did it - no matter what! and who cares if my metabolism is up before bed... i did it! no matter what! and whatever the complaint or question or anything that's going on in my head... it doesn't matter - at all - becuase i did it! NO MATTER WHAT!!!
Sunday, March 14th, 2010
7:55 pm
down 2.6! for a total of 11.6!!!
so that's alright!!!

i know i've already said this, but i love sparkpeople.com and lifetime fitness. it's just such a perfect combination for me right now. sparkpeople has the BEST array of services i've seen EVER - and   for    F R E E!!!!!!!!

and i've just completely 100% enjoyed lifetime. some of the staff are exceptionally nice. most of the staff are good, even. i've only run into a very few who either don't look happy or unhappy bordering on mean... i love the equipment, i love that my friend goes there with me, i'm comfortable - or forced myself to be - and done a variety of things (cardio, strength/weights, *yoga*!!!, hottub! bymyself even!), and i've just really tried to make it my own!!

PLUS i've decided this weekend i'm going to do the indoortri in may! i think it'll be something to work toward, it'll be a great measure (do it this year, do it next year - see how great i improved!), and i just wanna! it says it's for all fitness levels, and what do i have to loose? NOTHING! ...plus, i looked at last years results today and the gal who came in last place in my group? i have to think i can do as well as she did. her results: 12 lengths of the pool (i wonder if that's one way or down and back?), 8.9 bike miles, 1.51 treadmill miles. it's 10-30-20 minutes... so 12 lengths of the pool in 10 minutes (i should be able to do that if it's one way), 9 miles biked in 30 minutes (that doesn't seem like a huge amount on a studio bike), and FOR SURE 1.5 miles on the treadmill in 20 minutes?? for SURE! i'm sure that it gets difficult b/c it's after all of that other activity... but... anyway... i'm gunna tri!!!

the stars have just aligned and it's my time. yeah.
Wednesday, March 10th, 2010
9:45 pm
309.0, BABY!!!
yep, i've been on vacation - at. my. MOTHER'S!. - for TEN days!!! - and i lost 1.2 pounds!!!!!

success obviously looks different for everyone. i found my way to one person's lj account who lost 20-some pounds in 26 days. or it was 26 pounds in 20 days. this makes me soooooooooooooo jealous. it makes me want to find out what she's doing and do the exact same thing. makes me want to be her... so jealous.

but then i have to look at my ten-day, 1.2 pound loss... and decide. "what's success for me?"

and, it's what i got, so it's success for me.

trying to think differently, trying to ascertain what will work... and not just work for a little bit but work-work, like forever-work... 'this time around'... it makes me look at things differently. and i guess for that i'm glad.

what's success for you today?
Friday, February 26th, 2010
6:40 am
a sign of progress...
i will always contend that a sign of progress is a sign of progress.

and sometimes i wonder if my mind creates signs of progress. but instead of that, i'm going to contend that i'm just more perceptive, perhaps even more hopeful. for me, the struggle is always to **sustain** said perceptiveness and hopefulness.

so this morning i was taking a shower. and i do believe that just by standing up straight and stretching, i felt my gut move off my legs on it's own accord.

now, i understand... you're thinking... did she really just say that she felt air and water reach a place that most everyone feels anyway??

yes, i did.

because it's not about how embarassing it is that i've been moving around my gut manually for over a year, it's about the hope there is that it's somehow getting even a itsybitsybit smaller/tighter/more manageable.

and therefore there's hope.

THAT's what i'm talkin about!!!
Thursday, February 25th, 2010
6:58 am
keeping perspective...
i've had a could-be-overwhelming sensation the last few days that i've been contemplating: 

how did i let it go this far?

i.e. how did i let myself get to this point? how did i let myself gain this much weight?

these questions result in a minor freak-out when i go: "omgod - i'm never going to get it off..." but thankfully i've been able to calm myself and dismiss these familiar, pessimisstic thoughts. it doesn't really matter how i got this far, why i let myself get to this point. (the point of over-300 pounds - ZOINKS! size 26 jeans and 4x sweatpants - DOUBLEZOINKS!)... but it doesnt' matter. because it is what it is and it was what it was.

i think back to the first time i lost a significant amount of weight. i topped up at 250 pounds, a little more - can't remember exactly.

i'd kill to be at 250 pounds right now this instant.

but, that's not where i'm at and maybe things are getting just a little bit better for me b/c i can accept that and not do a MAJOR freak-out. the kind of freak-out where i get overwhelmed and anxiety-ridden and then fail either before or shortly after i even get started.


here's to not freaking out. and three good workouts this week... going to go for two more. here's to 5.4 pounds gone and more on the way. here's to a healthier perspective that will allow me to keep going.

Sunday, February 21st, 2010
9:30 pm
312.6, baby!!!
- 5.4, b-a-b-y!!!


and this is in the face of the 12 year old personal trainer i had my "free" appointment with on saturday afternoon. when i told him i had joined sparkpeople and about how many calories i was eating, etc., he said RIGHT TO MY FACE, AS PLAIN AS DAY: "i'll be really surprised if you get any results with that becuase as long as i've been working with people, i've *never* seen a female up that high for calories" ...and then of course he proceeded to try and sell me some kind of breathalizer way of counting how many calories i should consume. never? Never? NEVER? REALLY????

yeah, well that's because you're TWELVE!!!

:;shakes head::

anyway, i'm just so thankful that as much as that distressed me that i did not let it ruin my food for the day. made everything feel EVEN BETTER today!!!
Thursday, February 18th, 2010
9:27 pm
so i still owe my blog my second concern
2. my boobs

so, i have this thing about my boobs.

i like my boobs... they're full and lovely and yummy... they would make a nice handful for any man's hands, i believe... they're a source of pleasure and girliness for me...

unfortunately they also are the product of 100+ lbs of extra weight.

i know from previous weight-loss experiences and attempts-then-subsequent-gains... that when i loose weight, it comes off my boobs first. and i struggle with this. when you're - well, when *i'm* - first losing weight, i look for it to come off anywhere. looking-looking-looking... wanting the fat and the hanging :blech: to just go away. of course, that would be great: if all the problem spots were the first to diminish or disappear. but no, what happens to me, if history proves to repeat itself, the weight will come off my boobs.

i think somewhere deep down inside of me, i must just want to have vulupcious breasts! for myself, yes, but very much as sexual beings in and of themselves... breasts that a man would love to pay attention to, ravish with affection... and i've never *ever* been "perkey" perse, but when they're fuller, they don't fall as far, you know? and when they're smaller, i guess to me they just look like they're laying down more... :(

but then i considered this point. if this is one of my concerns, then might i say that i would want to *not* loose weight in order to keep my full, lovely breasts?


i *have* thought about it...

but no.

my boobs will be my boobs and i'll take what they become, they are what they are, in order to take care of ALL of me. in order to have a healthier heart, to be able to play with my boys and do maintenance on my house, car and garden... to play sports and run the stairs at work... to live longer and with less-to-no disease... to be proud of all of who i am - my BODY. INCLUDED...

i'll go back to microbreasts.
Wednesday, February 17th, 2010
7:14 am
so today... two concerns...
one is present, one is future, neither is life-threatening or earth-shattering...

1. my poop.

this may not be anything anyone wants to hear about, but for the last three days --- which, coincidently of course coincides with when i started exercising again for the first time in well over a year, year-and-a-half or so --- for the last three days my poop, my, ahem, excrement... has been GREEN. green. Green. as in the color. it's not just a tinge, but virtually all.

::blech:: i'm starting to gag a little, so i'msosorry...

but you know how your body reacts differently when you put different stuff in your body, the output is different. not surprising. not rocket-science. i've heard stories of when .... aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh...

::lightbulb on::

so i've heard of stories when you eat too many carrots and your skin turns yellow; tomatoes, red. i SUPPOSE for sure i've been eating more green vegetables (decision, new direction, makes sense, riiiiiiiiiight??)... but really? REALLY??? yesterday i had asparagus and peapods - about a cup each - and then a **little** bit of spinich and lettuce on a Subway sandwich last night for dinner. but this is not an exordinate amount of green vegetables.

a larger amount than i was eating LAST week??? SURE!!! ABSOLUTELY!!! but enough to turn my poop green?

i'm not sure that makes sense to me yet. perhaps some time on webmd will help me with that today.

and, concern #2 will have to wait until later b/c i'm late for work b/c i got caught up reading fic lol and have to get motorin'...

have a GREAT day!!!
Tuesday, February 16th, 2010
5:01 am
My TWO favorite things (right now)...
are Lifetime Fitness and Sparkpeople.com!!!

so, DECISIONS have been going pretty good the last couple of days. it's amazing to me how the old rhythm of activity works toward curbing one's appitite and increasing one's attitude. that said, i am eternally thankful even for these two days of sanity and iam forever hopeful for a lifetime more.

i have been to the gym twice, 22 and 24 minute workouts on the elliptical trainer respectively. i'm not sure they can be called 'workouts' by anyone else's standards, but for me, i'm sweating (for SURE), feeling the cario-pull and my body exerting itself. but that should be the way it goes. i'm just getting started. back into a routine. making room for this, making room for me again in my life.

and sparkpeople.com might just be my newest-most-favorite thing since sliced bread! it is HUGELY interactive, VERY user-friendly and F-R-E-E!!! what's that?yousay??? FREE!!! yes, FREE! after spending years in an on-again-off-again relationship with weightwatchers.com, i am estatic. plus, i've noticed at least three different features that i used to thing ww.com "should do >>this<<..." ...ah... i love it when somethin's smart and fresh and ON!!! more on that later, i'm sure.

so what's YOUR favorite thing(s) today??
Sunday, February 14th, 2010
7:28 am
it's all about DECISIONS
yep, on Friday i didn't exercise at all and ate a whole take-out (yummy) pizza on my own for dinner.

on Saturday, i ate mcdonald's for bfast, a glazed donut for lunch and some of the valentines candy i bought the kids. i also went and rode an eliptical with a friend, toured and joined lifetime fitness.

today, let's see if i can manage to take in less calories AND go work out! i'm excited to show the club to the boys.... as much as i know i'm a "Y" girl at heart, w-o-w is lifetime big and beautiful! the childcare space has 6-8+ computers, it's so much bigger on the whole, has gym space, separated out for infants (my kids are older, but who's paying attention to them if all the babyies are screaming??)... it's just really nice. so the pros and cons are in, and lifetime it is!

so, what kind of decisions are you going to make today? how do go about making decisions every day about these things that affect us so much?
Thursday, February 11th, 2010
6:59 pm
is anyone here?
i know i've really really sucked at maintaining the comm... but that has serious chances of changing. soon.

so, i'm just wondering if anyone's around... or if i'm here, talking to myself.

which also has pluses as well as the minuses, i guess...

but i guess i'd prefer doing this big long journey WITH someone...

someone/s *I* can support,

someone/s who can support me,

someone/s with whom we can figure out this great big mess with...

Monday, January 11th, 2010
9:21 pm
318.0 - that's it.
that's the number that made it happen: 318.0

last monday, january 4, i got on the scale again after a very very very long time. seems like forever, and the scale showed it.







i'm trying to remain upright, positive.

and this monday, today, january 11, brought me 315.8.


we'll go forward.

many regards,
Thursday, July 10th, 2008
7:41 am
i'm glad today's new day came after yesterday's new day...

scale found. dh had put it under the bed hapazzardly and it was a couple of feet in underneath. our bedroom has carpet and i have the scale on a inch-slab of two-foot square wood. so, i brought it out to the edge so i could slide it back and forth underneath. which actually isn't a bad idea. b/c then i don't have to look at it all week between weigh-ins. so, all for the best.

i didn't want to title my post my weight for today.  too often i know in my life i've described myself AS my weight. let it define who i am. absolutely i've done that. 

so for today, i weighed at 297.8.

it's amazing to me that this is my reality. but for some reason, today's new day came in succession with yesterday' new day. and for that i'm thankful. having new days one after another, in a row, without a big gap in-between... that's the way real change will happen and sustain.

and so - i think that's it. so far:
- i've been to the gym twice this week.
- i didn't eat any one-pound candybars yesterday and didn't die
- i've slept the best i have in FOREVER the past two nights
- i ate regular, reasonable meals yesterday.
- i had a piece of dessert at work and didn't end up sneaking another piece or four later in the day

so, new day today. good day.

Current Mood: pleased
Wednesday, July 9th, 2008
11:21 am
what's the point?

was that i thought this JOURNAL had to be perfect! for pete's sake! how rediculous is that? when i started it, i would try to keep one running post all day and then just post once b/c it was nice and neat and perfect... well guess what? that wasn't helping! 

so, now, if i have a thought or short series of thoughts... you know what? i'm going to post them! and if you've friended me and you feel like i'm spamming you, please feel free to un-friend this lj. i'm just trying to discover what will work and help me along this journey.

which got me thinking about why i started this lj in the first place. i'm a member of all the "others":

100pounds2lose, dietingsupport, fitnhealthyfem, total_health</div>


but what i guess i want for this community, this lj, is to have it be for me and some friends. the others have lots of good information, etc., on them - but it's hard to "introduce" oneself and then float among a hundred people. this is the place where i can reflect on my journey and hopefully interact with the journeys of a few other people - really get to know them, their struggles, their journeys...

okay - that's it for this post. very topical, i guess. later i'll write about what i've had to eat today and the best guess to where my husband moved my scale. :)

Current Mood: refreshed
7:00 am
the tell-tale signs...
no wonder i've gainedd over a hundred pounds the last couple of years. i'm a perfectionist - i don't even want to write this post because i'm scared about how imperfect it will be. such is the life of a perfectionist.

it's the same with my weight. i don't want to deal with it, i ignore it, because i'm scared i'll never get it right, never be able to accomplish whatever it is i think i should or if truly want to in my heart.

last night i went  to the Y in the first time in more than another month. regardless of my broken ankle from this winter, i know it's not the only reason - or even the biggest reason - that i haven't been there. i'm scared. i'm terrified, in fact. i'm horrified that i might be resigned to this fate of not being in control of my body, of being resigned to living in this awfully unhealthy body and being an embarrassment to myself, my family and maybe even my friends.


it's amazing what will get me to the gym and even make me happy about being there. i found myself volunteering for driving duty so dh could stay late at work. boy1 and boy2 had sports camp at the Y, so i got dressed in sweats and a tshirt - like i'd been doing it every day for the last week instead of begging dh to bring me some ice cream home. 

so, we went to the Y, dropped the kids at class and went to the cardio equipment. i rode the elliptical for 30 minutes. i made it 30 minutes. i could barely walk when i got home. but i made it. and i guess long story short, i'm thankful today.

hope is a strange and curious thing.

Current Mood: happy
Monday, June 16th, 2008
11:35 am

my heart is just sick. i've been at over three hundred pounds for a couple of weeks now... and i wake up with such resolve each morning - just to have it dashed a couple of hours. a quarter of my way through my "medium" (read: bulk) bag of M&Ms, i finally put them away.

this woman at work who has been antagonizing me and making my life a living hell just was encouraged to quit by our boss. god bless america. some things do go well.

have to get back to work. want to take a deep breath. have to conguer up something for lunch.


Friday, May 30th, 2008
6:13 am
today's my new day

i asked myself shortly after rising this morning whether today could be my new day. i am sad to report that i answered myself with more hoplessness than i've had in quite some time. there was this nagging sound of "naaaaaaa,.." and then my husband sat up in bed.

interestingly enough, we had a very direct, difficult and emotional conversation. i hurt my foot some time ago and he's worried it'll never heal with all the extra weight i've put on. of course, this didn't come out of his mouth very eloquently and i got pretty angry before coming to my senses and admitted he's right.  and for the first time ever, _he_ suggested we join weight watchers, _he_ suggested we journal our food today, _he_ said we stop bringing crap into the house. his arguments, as they generally do, come back to the boys. god bless him for caring so much for our boys and wanting to give them the best life possible: to be there for them, to have them not be embarrassed by us, to run and live and laugh and play with them... and then also love each other for the rest of our lives.

yeah, so for us, pretty much an untraditional, sappy morning.

'nough of that.

so, today:

1. going to journal my food
2. going to figure out when i can get to the Y
3. be thankful.

that's enough for today.

Current Mood: peaceful
Friday, May 2nd, 2008
6:28 am
7 am hour
salt, splenda

today's a new day. i'm looking at using lj to do a couple of things. 1. food diary, tracking, thoughts, etc., about getting healthier. i need a way to process and inspire myself to _do_ _something_. 2. to do something useful with my time on lj. all the slash is getting on dh's nerves.

have to run. 

i am disappointed with the balance of the day, clearly. today, not enough to weaken my resolve... enough to cause pause and make me want to do better - or have more moderation - or inspires me to want to be more pleased? with today.

Current Mood: calm
Tuesday, May 2nd, 2028
6:20 am

let's do life together.

i created this community simply because others i could find didn't quite match the vision of what i am looking for. i am looking for a way of finding others with whom to do life together. hence, dolifetogether.

there _are_ a number of lj communities that concentrate on weight loss. weigh-ins, food journals, questions, reflection... what i'm looking for and couldn't find was a place without a bunch of pressure. a lack of pressure could certianly be part of my problem in being overweight. however, i've also tried enough ways to loose weight that i know i deserve to try to do it a way that fits me.

so what does that look like? loose, honest, deliberate are words that come to mind. i indicated moderated membership not because i want to 1. quiz you or 2. make you tell me your whole life story or 3. ensure your intentions are honorable. what i would like is for you to read the posts, really consider if this is a place you want to belong. give serious consideration as to if you want to come, join us here, and do. life. together.

Current Mood: cheerful
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